Nice try, but i would hope they would fix the issues they currently have rather than add new bells and whistles.

What about:

1) Haircut of Marvel - Gives the ability to step-over 10 times in a row, allowing you to mystify the defender into sleep.

2) Keano - Ability to injure another player easier, serious injuries over 6 days.

3) Italian Stallion - Ability roll around on the turf to con the ref into a red card for a non-existant foul.