*reuters* leddy fc news

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REUTERS


The statue of Norma Stitz has been been deheaded, some weirdo has chopped it off.

LEDDY FC spokesman and ex Navy captain "John "seaman" Stains" said "we have looked at CCTV footage and its local greengrocer "Joy Hurtful" that took the head off. We are shocked to find that its her as she comes across as a noble pillar of society but obviously has a hidden agenda, we intend to prosecute and find out why".


LEDDY FC go through to next round of The Cup. TWAT said " Jordan our 2 star youff player played in both games and did a good job against a side from level 6 and mixed in well with the 5 star players, With Hannapah out with injury we stuck young Oak Vickers out of position there, he got an assist for a goal. The experimentation is going well.

1st leg LEDDY FC 2-1 AC MAILAND..........2nd leg AC MAILAND 2-2LEDDY FC

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LEDDY FC NEWS


LEDDY FC are 4th seeds in level 5 league, with 3 other league champions in the mix. TWAT said " This will be difficult especially with the work with what we have policy this season, but I have faith with them..we are CL holders and we hope that puts fear into some."


Joy Hurtful was arrested yesterday and questioned about the decapitation of Norma's statue, she told Detective Stools that her husband had a fling with Norma after meeting at the burger bar at a home match 4 years ago. She had stopped coming to the matches once the "Norma (the milky bars are on me) Stitz stand had opened but having to drive past the statue of her was too much, she became enraged and took the head off.

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LEDDY FC win first league and CL game yeaterday. TWAT said " ", he just yawned.

Joy Hurtful has been asked where the head of Norma is so they can put it back on the statue, she wouldn't say at this stage.

REUTERS

There are rumblings that the Columbian father and drug baron of Helmet Cheese (who's name I cannot remember) is set to look for the fan who popped the spud piece into Helmets head that ultimately killed his son. he wants him found and brought to Colombia.

[Croft Original]

I don't know what's more enjoyable reading the Leddy News to find out the latest Norma saga or reading my new just bought book

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I don't know what's more enjoyable reading the Leddy News to find out the latest Norma saga or reading my new just bought book

Is that for real lol ?

[Croft Original]

Yeah you have got to read it

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LEDDY FC NEWS

LEDDY FC have their biggest win in The Cup, a 9-0 annihilation of The Shadows away in Italy, a level six team who's manager wasn't present due to him being seen riding around Rome on his Vespa saying Ciao to all the Grockels. Not even The Shadow's striker Hank Marvin could Pluck anything out of the air for a goal.

TWAT said " yeh its a good day in Rome" he then went on to say that one day he would like to have a team filled with all over 30's who win the league. Intead of our Cocks ( the knobs) eleven we could have a crocks eleven.

Earlier before their flight to Rome they scraped a home win in the league 2-1 to some team we cannot pronounce.



NEWS FLASH

JOY HURTFUL still will not tell where the head of Norma is and has been charged with Vandelism.

Talking of Norma, her daughter Ji (Norma) Stitz has gone into labour and is at "Breaking Waters" maternity Hospital on the outskirts of Town as we speak. Some say that Ji is the daughter of Helmet Cheese as Norma also had a fling with Helmet some years ago, although It seems alot of people are coming out of the woodwork from 20 years ago claiming to have sampled Norma's legendary Babs.


Manager Dingle Twat has asked Mrs Dingle to order The Jeff Stelling magnum opus book for Xmas.

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LEDDY TOWN LOCAL NEWS

The cook at LEDDY FC Ji (Norma) Stitz has given birth to a healthy baby girl to be named Mini.



LEDDY FC NEWS

The Team are en route to the South of France for a league game this evening followed by their 2nd CL group game in Spain where the guys will travel by coach across the border to the stadium in the little town and outpost of castro Poo po.


Rasputin Bollocksvich has been playing for the Bellendson prison and is set to join leddy FC next season as his parole has been granted alongside Bobby Bellender (who hasn't been signed). Chairman Willie Hat said "I am looking forward to Bollocksvich coming":

DL R.Plant has 11 days to go after being out for 17 days with a broken leg.

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LEDDY FC NEWS

The boys have landed back in Old Blighty after an 8-0 away win in France in the league and a 2-0 away win in Spain in CL yesterday, they now move up to 2nd in the league on Goal dif and top CL group with a team from Uruguay. Their next CL game is in Uruguay and look forward to the trip to South America to the home of the first World Cup winners.

TWAT said, "all this travelling is taking it out of the lads after two home games today in Cup and league we are straight back to Spain for league match and then the long haul to South America for the evening CL game. I need to talk to the fixture makers as this is near on impossible. We intend to rest players for the cup game today as we are 9-0 up so a good time to put some oldies and our youff player will play again."


REUTERS

There are rumours that Helmet Cheese's dad will make the flight from Columbia to Uruguay for the CL clash, A police escort will bring the boys to the ground. The fan in question who shot Cheese a couple of years ago has been advised not to travel to south America in fear of him being kidnapped or shot by the drug barons henchmen.

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LEDDY FC NEWS

FC PANKO GET SPANKO

LEDDY FC win 8-0 at home to go top of the league for the first time this early season on gd, earlier they eased through to the 3rd round of the Cup with a home 6-0 win against Hank and The SHADOWS with a mostly 2nd squad and go through 15-0 on agg.

Twat said "its pleasing that we have had a clean sheet for 5 games on the trot in all comps, we don't expect much in the cup and will keep our 2 star youff policy going with Farran playing and blooding him"


The team is back on the plane to Spain en route Uruguay after league match tomorrow.