The Mock Updates Announcement Thread v3.14

Let off some steam. In this thread, you are the one sharing Amazing Update Announcements for the T11 community.

Please keep your Incredible Updates respectful, and have fun.
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Exciting news, with v3.14 when you lose 2 matches in a row your Brilliant Assistant Manager will take over training and tactics duties while You try your hand at running the Parking Facility. Opportunities to advance to cleaning the Club Museum floor will follow for Parking Managers with the right attitude!

#BadUpdate5.6
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Edit: (@mods, if this is too provocative or gets out of hand, please shut it down)

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For our latest trick, now all players will have their quality displayed in Exciting Binary Format! Now you'll know for sure that your 01110000 quality striker is miles better than the 01101001 quality defender trying to stop him!
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Sorry, but we realize binary is confusing to players in league 01, so we're updating to give the inexperienced players base-10 format, and we'll keep binary for the "experienced players" in levels 010 and above...

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A surprise change for our Favorite Managers! From today, some characters on the auction market are professional basketball players, but since we won't share stats or preferred sport, you'll never know who you really want on your team and can bid up a storm for every player at random! Join the bid war fun!

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Today we bring all teams together, so the very best players can go from the Top of the World team to an After-School Junior Squad.

Experience and Quality are just like magic, all is illusion. See these two guys? What does one have the other doesn't? Messi plays for Barça; his 3 year old son is starting at FC Barça School, preparing for the Barça Youth Academy.... But why wait!? Today we let you buy him for $200 million, give him all the stars and put him on FC Barcelona direct with his papi!
http://a.espncdn.com/combiner/i/?img...38&site=espnfc

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We've listened to your feedback for many years, so we changed all your circle players into squares! It's new, it's better, trust us - you've always wanted square players! More angles!

We've listened to your feedback and have a great announcement to make!

Starting with version 6.0, if you lose but feel you were trolled, you can now keep replaying the match until you get the result you want! You can do this as many times as you want but only keep the best!
The following conditions must be met:
-Your overall quality must be higher
-The opposing manager must not be present
-You must have at least 60% possession

This change will reflect what the user feedback has been requesting for a long time, that if these 3 things happen, you should never lose and we have finally updated to reflect this!

Thank you again for your feedback!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by LeManiaque

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We've listened to your feedback for many years, so we changed all your circle players into squares! It's new, it's better, trust us - you've always wanted square players! More angles!

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It sounds like an Apple annoucement. :D



Folks, we have listened to your feedback. Today, we introduce the end of tanking. If you put ST to keep a clean sheet, he will act like a real GK. Or you put a defender as ST, don't worry, he will score you a lot of goals. BUT... that's not all: If you play with no defenders or no ST or play only over the wings, every player will take a regular position to balance the lack on the pitch. Do you think, that's all?
No. We know it's annoying to find tactics and formation to beat your opponent, so we decided to set you team automaticly to a counter formation.

Thank you, for your feedback about the recent update. The huge playerbase on FB moaned about the new changes, because they can't understand, why they acutally lose. Today we introduce the new amazing system:
- we removed positions and attributes. all your player are able to play on every position on the field.
- we give all human manager an own league/cup/CL/NML. That means, a human player will face only 1% bot-teams at every competition
- for a small monthly amount of cash, we also removed loss and draw for your team (note: this is the best way, to avoid troll results).

We hope, you enjoy the new system.

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We are glad to announce about our new ads system

Now instead of ads, you will be watching 3 minute Youtube videos and you will receive one booster for each Youtube video watched, and the limit per day is 10

We are glad to announce the new Association system.
We will be randomly giving out 3-0 results to whomever we please without any logic.
If your association is a few points away from promotion, !@#$ you.
We dont give a damn, cause we will randonly make you win or lose.
Toss a coin and hope for the best!!!!

Due to popular demand and feedback, the game name been changed to PokerBingo11 Football.
List of changes:-
1. Morale and tactics are just aesthetic, it wont affect the matches results anymore. You can still make changes as you please during the game if you like to feel the illusion of control.

2. New auction further revamped in that bot teams will come to bid with you so that you won't feel lonely in the market.

3. If a team won too many games in a row, the engine will 'handicap' that team to make them lose. Same goes to losing too many games, the engine will try to raise his winning percentage. Now, everyone are equal as in a poker game. Doesnt everyone loves poker?

4. Every 4th week in the season, we will introduce a new bug for association just because we can.

5. And we will gift tokens out as compensation to show how generous and loving we are and we knew everyone love freebies.

6. In line with our support for greener Earth, we decided to stop ads completely. Now everyone can save bandwidth and battery/ electricity.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by woopypooky

4. Every 4th week in the season, we will introduce a new bug for association just because we can.

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Attachment 81353

Quote:

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Originally Posted by woopypooky

6. In line with our support for greener Earth, we decided to stop ads completely. Now everyone can save bandwidth and battery/ electricity.

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But... with this change, you have to remove the current auctions, because this is the most battery drawer.:p

Quote:

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Originally Posted by nash123

But... with this change, you have to remove the current auctions, because this is the most battery drawer.:p

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Thank you for your feedback!
How we didn't think of it earlier!
We will be forwarding this to the devs!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by woopypooky

3. If a team won too many games in a row, the engine will 'handicap' that team to make them lose. Same goes to losing too many games, the engine will try to raise his winning percentage. Now, everyone are equal as in a poker game. Doesnt everyone loves poker?

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If the anncounement came true...
(my friend won league and all games at NML - and he did a job with only 9 player on the pitch)
Attachment 81371

For the next update we have introduced a completely new feature called "everything is decided before the season start". In this feature a monkey will spin a wheel and based on the outcome of the wheel your place will be decided. Does the monkey spin the 5 then you will become number 5 in the league no matter what. The same goes for the CL and the Cup but the wheel will decide how far you will come.

The great thing about this is that it doesn't care what you do for the rest of the season. You can buy scouts, talents, train players up to 9 stars, decide to abandon the game, use stupid formations, put striker in the goal and put goal keepers in the striker spot. Who cares! Nothing is going to change the outcome.

It will become the most stressfree game EVAHHHH!!!!! Unless you don't understand the new hidden feature and will shout "Troll results!!!!!#%$%#$#" all season long. :)

For the next season we introduce the new auction system. Now you can bid for either 1* 18 year old player starting from 20 tokens up to 7* 30 year old player starting from 100 tokens! Spam those bid buttons and outbid your rival managers!

Statistics and history
We have heard all your good suggestions about history statistic and topscores etc.

So we are now proud to introduce a tournament with clubs and players without any past. there will be no count of goals, assist and rating since this was only a visual display.
from the many and good feedbacks, that we very much appreciate we concluded that this was of no interest to any.

The Auctions
there has for a while been some frustrations about managers suddently losing all their token in auctions. to make this simple and totally risk free, we have decided that all none winning bidders get all their tokens back.

We also found that the complexity of bidding in each round to advance was to confusing and unfair.. so we have change it to a last second deciding bet because this is a much more fair way to decide the winner of an auction.

To help higher levels with missing quality players, we have made all players even quality to all, so new managers with starting token bonuses can bit equal with high level managers that have used all their tokens to maintain a competative squad for decades.

We believe this makes it much more simple and cheap to find and buy a player, when we put them all in one pool that all level managers bid in.


In other notes. We have decided to introduce all new updates in the last week of each season to give it the most possible impact to the tournaments and managers. We will also continue doing so without announcing it before so the big surprice will be even better :)

We have listened to your feedback and made many corrections.
Attachment 81397

Due to popular demand & our intensive research & feedback received ...
We will be implementing the 14 day season with two games per day.....
Oh wait this was just for fictitious updates ?

We are proud to introduce this new game feature

The Ass manager will automatic buy and sell players, he will also set your team.

You will now just have to watch the match.

In the live match, the Ass manager will guide you through all his thoughts and adjustments, so you know what is going on.

Forthcoming the Ass manager will not only recommend players every now and then, he will also select the right ones for your squad.

To keep the game attractive you will keep having to do every single practice manually to keep the 10% bonus and of course watch an hour of commercials, morning, noon and evening to keep greens and Tokens at a viable level Cheers

Quote:

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Originally Posted by LeManiaque

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For our latest trick, now all players will have their quality displayed in Exciting Binary Format! Now you'll know for sure that your 01110000 quality striker is miles better than the 01101001 quality defender trying to stop him!
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Sorry, but we realize binary is confusing to players in league 01, so we're updating to give the inexperienced players base-10 format, and we'll keep binary for the "experienced players" in levels 010 and above...

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Stats in Binary format. :D :D :D

Please don't give them any ideas, I'm actually nervous staff might look at this and think, hey, that's a great idea. :D

PokerBingo11 Football Update 5.0.1
Changes:-
1. We have received numerous feedbacks regarding the ass man quote 'it wasn't our day' for games that you dominated but lost. Now we are happy to announce that we have included additional comment such as 'you can't win game with kids' , 'grass is greener on the other side', ' the ball is too round' etc. We sincerely hope that while you bask yourself in these consolation words, you will feel surges of new motivation to spend more tokens in our brand new auction market. Our smart devs realised that it is more economical to add few strings of wording than to overhaul the entire simulation algorithm.

Thank you for your support!

Managers, it feels like forever we've been listening to your feedback..
... Oh sorry, no we haven't.
We've been listening to this, were you saying something?

https://s3.amazonaws.com/hiphopdx-pr...emonadeBey.jpg

Guys we listened to your players, they all say the same thing:

Too much running!

So we eliminated first the half-spaces, but we always do more! Today we're very happy to give you the field, but without the penalty box or the defensive third! I dunno, we kind of left parts of the middle, then again around the goal, but really tight. It's different than real football, but isn't that the point?

Next up we probably eliminate crossing (it's same as passing, right?) and the match announcer, too...