LOL, i was hoping youd easter egg it with 'pffft like this losers going to win it' or something

*clears throat"

thank you all for choosing me, head coach fonzacus znofrelius, as the 2014 ballon dor winner. it may seem you all are just as crazy as i am since ballon dors are typically for players. its also past midnight and im still feeling the hangover from yesterday, i kept re/typing ballon dor and balloon door. id like to thank god almighty the fonz (not trying to start anything religiousy) for showing me the way. id like to thank daddy long legs and mother nature for giving birth to me. since i dont have any friends so i look into a mirror and find my own support. last but not least id like to thank yoyo manpogo. unfortunately hes not with us today, he comically fell down a few flight of stairs after finding out he won the ballon dor while looney tunes sound effects were being tested for elevator music, and shortly after died of great shame and dishonor. may the fonz be with you manpogo