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Thread: Football Jokes

  1. #1
    VIP Steppenwolf's Avatar
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    Football Jokes

    A young mother was pushing her baby along the street in Manchester when suddenly a huge rottweiler dog lunged towards the pram, gnashing its teeth. The young woman thought for a moment that the dog would kill them when suddenly a man rushed over, wrestled with the rottweiler and broke its neck with his bare hands.
    Another man rushed to the scene and said, “I am a reporter and I saw everything that happened. Wait until I put the headline in my paper. It will read "Manchester United fan saves baby from savage rottweiler!”
    “No you can't write that!” replied the man.
    “But why not?” said the reporter.
    “Because I am not a Manchester United fan, that's why!” replied the man.
    “Oh, okay then,” said the reporter, “I will write Manchester City supporter saves mother and baby from savage rottweiler!”
    “You can't write that either,” said the man.
    “Why not?” asked the reporter.
    “Because I am a Liverpool fan!” replied the man.
    “Oh I see,” said the reporter, “How about this then, "Scouse mauls family pet!”
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  2. #2
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    Messi is out at a bar, and flirting with a good looking woman. She invites him over to her house, and she goes into the bathroom, telling Messi to get comfortable.
    She comes back and finds Messi laying in bed with 2 naked men. She exclaims, “What the hell is going on?!” to which Messi sheepishly replies:
    “I'm sorry! I can't perform without Xavi or Iniesta!”
    Buffs Mad, RJSlow and Cat Harrison like this.
    Belgrade United - 13 Leagues - 2 CL - 1 SL - 2 Cups
    Appearances: Arboleda 520 - Goals: Arboleda 465 - Assists: Arboleda 233

    FK Partizan - 28 Leagues - 9 CL - 10 Cups
    Appearances: Khisamov 494 - Goals: Khisamov 558 - Assists: Khisamov 418

    Celtic 1888 - 37 Leagues - 15 CL - 1 SL - 8 Cups
    Appearances: Kerins 477 - Goals: Pereda 365 - Assists: Kerins 288

  3. #3
    VIP Steppenwolf's Avatar
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    A pound coin was thrown onto the pitch at Ibrox. Police are trying to determine whether it was a missile or a takeover bid.
    Cat Harrison and Buffs Mad like this.
    Belgrade United - 13 Leagues - 2 CL - 1 SL - 2 Cups
    Appearances: Arboleda 520 - Goals: Arboleda 465 - Assists: Arboleda 233

    FK Partizan - 28 Leagues - 9 CL - 10 Cups
    Appearances: Khisamov 494 - Goals: Khisamov 558 - Assists: Khisamov 418

    Celtic 1888 - 37 Leagues - 15 CL - 1 SL - 8 Cups
    Appearances: Kerins 477 - Goals: Pereda 365 - Assists: Kerins 288

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Steppenwolf View Post
    Messi is out at a bar, and flirting with a good looking woman. She invites him over to her house, and she goes into the bathroom, telling Messi to get comfortable.
    She comes back and finds Messi laying in bed with 2 naked men. She exclaims, “What the hell is going on?!” to which Messi sheepishly replies:
    “I'm sorry! I can't perform without Xavi or Iniesta!”
    hahahaha nice one though I'm big fan to Messi
    Server 52

  5. #5
    VIP t11_fan's Avatar
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    Well, this actually is not joke, but comment from facebook, it was funny for me
    Liverpool won 3-2 against QPR although in 86' result was 0-1 for LFC.
    One guy commented: "LFC without Sturridge is like Man Utd without Howard Webb.
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  6. #6
    Super Moderator PricopGeorgeCătălin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by t11_fan View Post
    Well, this actually is not joke, but comment from facebook, it was funny for me
    Liverpool won 3-2 against QPR although in 86' result was 0-1 for LFC.
    One guy commented: "LFC without Sturridge is like Man Utd without Howard Webb.
    I'm Manchester United fan and this is a good joke
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  7. #7
    Super Moderator PricopGeorgeCătălin's Avatar
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    Press conference....

    Ronaldo: God sent me to earth to show people how to play football.

    next day

    Messi: I don't remember sending any one.
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