3N-1-4-2 or 3N-4-1-2 are both excellent formations vs 4-4-2 classic and should win most of the time. In this case, the NJ Aeros should have won considering the quality differential.
The red card changes it to a 50/50 for me.
I think your tactics in this game are the cause, because you had only 4 shots on net, 0 freekicks and 4 corners, with more possession (barely) than him. If you were attacking, mixed, whole pitch, normal, mixed, zonal, no offsides or counters, then you should have won this even with the red card - 9 times out of 10 vs this quality opposition.
Bummer dude