*reuters* leddy fc news

[leddy]

*REUTERS*

"Golden Wonder" are to send out unlimited supplies of "Pot Noodle" to aid the "Wolfman" untill and when "Cheese" is found.

"Golden wonder" spokesman "Horace Crisp" said " this is better than any ad campaign, after hearing that The world is watching the chase of "Cheese", we are delighted to supply "Wolfman" and everyone else with pot noodle...we aim to send over supplies and drop by parachute intot the heart of the jungle.

[zJordan]

The Wolf Man is streaming the chase with a head-cam live on Wolf FC's website and official YouTube Channel, a Satellite up link sponsored by Golden Wonder is fueling this hunt.

A NASA spokesman further commented "We're disappointed that Golden Wonder are sponsoring the up link with a British Satellite, however our hopes go out to the capture of Cheese".

Wolf FC Manager Jordan stated in a press conference "Once Cheese is captured the world will be a much safer, yet better world. Wolf Man will be back here keeping the press at bay while Cheese will safely be dead behind bars. Lets sincerely hope he does not evade our grasp this time round, otherwise god help us!!!"

*BBC News*

Wolf FC's "The Wolf Man" has sent us a exclusive picture of his latest weight-trimming tactics after hunting fugitive "Helmet Cheese" in the Colombian forest, he is known all over the globe for his fearless wolves that have not hesitated a second to attack our journalists in the past, however this picture displays the after effects of being away from civilization, lets go to our very own correspondent in Columbia who is currently holding the A3 photo of "The Wolf Man" who's name is not yet known, Wolf FC have promised to announce it once Cheese is captured. Anyway to our Columbia Correspondent "Sheman Menendez"

"Yes, it appears that The Wolf Man has sent us a picture of him as he looks at this very present moment"



He appears to have grown extensive facial hair, it also appears that the photo posted by Wolf FC earlier on was a 16th of July Joke, anyway more on this story as it comes!

Boredom makes me so creative!

[leddy]

REUTERS

LEDDY FC win home game in league 3-0 to go 11 points clear after 2nd place lost their game. caretaker boss "Maurice Glib" was unable to say anything due to him "Jive talkin". Striker "Ritchie Blackmore" who scored two tonight said " I felt a bit "Lazy" today but when I hit the field I like to go" Space Truckin".

" Dingle Twat" is still hunting out a buyer for the club and will resort to ballot at the end of the season for "Nestle" to become owners.


FOX NEWS Wolfman and others are feeling good after tucking into "Pot Noodles" and are raring to go and hunt for fugitive "Helmet Cheese". Also "Physio of LEDDY FC "Megan Sheman" has been asked to go out to Columbia to try woo "Helmet" from the jungle "

[zJordan]

Thanks to successful co-operation with Barbados authorities the Wolfman has been sent a pair of old boxer shorts in which Cheese was wearing while in prison, it's hoped that the Wolfman will be able to get his wolves to sniff him out of his hole.

Unfortunately for him, his wolves and the rest of the team searching for Fugitive Helmet Cheese the boxer shorts will have to come with them, who will carry them? more at 11 tonight!

After a hugely successful campaign with Golden Wonder sponsoring a Satellite up-link and pot noodles Golden Wonder has chosen to buy a small share in the club of 17%, worth 16M, although the primary shareholder remains to be Wolf FC, Ltd so this won't effect who controls the club.

Wolf FC's board must elect a new Chairman by 21:30 precisely or the club's chain of command could fall into chaos as many share-holders will attempt to steal who holds Chairman from each other unless its legitimately elected by a share-majority.

there are 4 in order of share size
1 - 63% Wolf FC Ltd
2 - 17% Golden Wonder
3 - 15% Manager Jordan White
4 - 5% The Wolfman

Wolf FC Ltd's CEO & Chairman Joker Arroyo is expected to be elected due to his companies (the club's parent) majority-share holder title, however the Wolfman, as well as the manager and even Golden Wonder could be elected to control the club's staff, Manager and other essential operations. It's hoped that Joker Arroyo is elected (as he has done well in the past while being interim Chairman). The Wolfman has chosen himself to be the Chairman, it's generally unknown if the other candidates could chose themselves too.

The new Chairman of Wolf FC stated in a live-stream from Columbia "Me and my wolves are happy to be Chairman, I look forward to taking the role once I bring back Cheese's head."

Boredom does so many creative things to you

[leddy]

*REUTERS*

After a shock first defeat in the league LEDDY FC have bounced back with 4 wins in a row including beating 2nd place team and a historic 12-0 win away from home in Spain. where ace striker "Ritchie Blackmore" scored four, BLACKMORE said "I was like a FIREBALL"
LEDDY FC are 12 points clear with five games to go , with a win tonight the 3rd league title in a row is all but in the bag with 12 points to play for after today and a goal difference of 40 plus it seems unlikely they will be caught.

Caretaker manager" Maurice Glib" was unavailable for comment as he is a "womans man, no time to talk".

"Dingle Twat" is still looking for backers to take the club over, although "NESTLE" are still very interested and seems a ballot to the fans will be on the cards.

*FOX NEWS*


The trial of "Herman Koch" took place this morning and was sentanced to life in a Barbados jail........after being transfered to the police van he was supposed to arrive at his new surroundings for life, yet The van has not arrived and it is thought the that somehow "Helmet Cheese" had got out of Columbia and got back to Barbados and has taken "Koch" in an audacious move as the driver of the van....but we must state these are just rumours at the moment.......

[zJordan]

After a so far unsuccessful search in Columbia The Wolfman has enlisted his brother (who is rather large and hates to sit next to people) on an economy-class plane from Yellowstone National Park to Barbados (approximately 11 hours) to scour all known places, alias and friends of former referees Helmet Cheese and Herman Koch, The Wolfmans brother is known as The Hound as he has 3 trained sniffer Dog Hounds.

The Hound is thought to be extremely pissed off after being forced to board the plane or The Wolfman will evict him from his earth-home (constructed of clay, mud and other bits of ****) in the center of Yellowstone National Park, it's understood that the hound will bring two hounds while the other one protects his earth-home from the vicious wolf packs roaming Yellowstone (however it's understood that the dog hound is already dead after being eaten).

The Wolfman will remain in Columbia for a further week before he is forced to return to Wales to give Wolf FC Manager his transfer budget, however once his chairman-duties are complete it's understood he will meet up with his brother The Hound in Barbados were the combined efforts of his wolves and the Hound's remaining 2 hound dogs will hopefully hunt down and kill Herman Koch and possibly Helmet Cheese. (The Hound and his companions will find them, and The Wolfman and his companions will kill them), the Wolf FC board are already lining up new Chairman targets as The Wolfman is expected to be imprisoned if he does actually kill the outspoken referees.

Wolf FC continue their winning streak as they suffer only one draw so fare in this season, however this season is looking to be the last for reigning Manager Jordan White, at least for a season as he is considering the prospect of taking a seasons-leave to take a break and play his other favorite game FM13.

Nothing is clear regarding the Wolves boardroom & staff however Herman and Helmet's days are numbered.

[leddy]

*REUTERS*

LEDDY FC win again and remain 12 points clear with 12 points to play for, with a goal diff of 50 better than 2nd place team the celebrations are already taking place. Ritchie Blackmore said " we will play tonight and hope to win which will confirm the title, untill then "The battle rages on".

"Dingle Twat" is mooted to become the manager again, sources say "Durex" are going to buy the club " Durex" spokesman "Willie Hat" said LEDDY FC defence is famous for being impregnable , that sits along side our product that has for years been the same, we also want to install "Dingle" back as manager as we feel he was unfairly sacked after the Spanish fixing scam"


*FOX NEWS*

In a twist to the story of fugitive "Cheese", it seems that he has managed to get back to Barbados and get "Koch". He managed to get a job under the noses of the authorities as police escort and has driven the van with "Koch" on board a waiting ship...it cannot be long before they are caught.

an inquest is taking place to see how "Cheese" got a job with the police.

[zJordan]

Wolf FC Update: We've not lost since the last update, nothing to say.

*BBC Wales*

Wolf FC Manager Jordan White has described the Cheese & Koch scandal as the "Koch Cheese Incident". Cheese managed to impregnate Barbados Authorities with his false credentials which infuriated South Wales Police and their partners Metropolitan Police.

Columbian authorities have officially issued a arrest warrant in Columbia and all of its allies (not many) for the arrest of Helmet Cheese for 77 counts of unlawful murder in the Columbian plane crash.

As of the 25th of July which will begin in just a few hours Westminster will use their international extradition treaty and issue an arrest warrant for former Fifa-Certified Referee's Herman Koch and Helmet Cheese under the following charges:

*Cheese: Murder of Norma Stitz (accused)
*Koch: Accessory to The Murder of Norma Stitz (accused)
*Cheese: Charge of Prostitution to get the money to get a flight to Barbados
*Koch: Prison escape
*Cheese: Murder of all non-survivors of the Columbian-plane crash (accused of causing the crash)
*Cheese: Accessory to the Koch Prison escape
*Cheese: Fraud via portraying themselves as Barbados Police escort.
*Some more but the pen ran out and it was late.

As of the 25th of July all nations signatory to the International Extradition treaty are obliged to extradite both Helmet Cheese and Herman Koch if found, failure to comply will cause international-incident with the United Kingdom and its big brother, United States.

Wolf FC have given a reward of £14 Million British Pounds alive or dead of both.

ITV News:

We've retreived bone-chilling images from Nat Geo Wild Wolf documentary from Yellowstone Regarding The Hound.



It's understood that The Hound and The Wolfman are now with the Royal Navy in a joint naval hunt for Koch & Cheese's boat with The French, Spanish and Italian Navy. (All France, Spain and Italy are hoping to extradite him to the UK if found)

[leddy]

*REUTERS*

LEDDY FC win the league yesterday, the trophy will be awarded at their last home game of the season tomorrow. "The Norma(the milky bars are on me) Stitz" stand will be rocking with joy.

"Durex" have been confirmed as new owners of LEDDY FC, "Willie Hat" will become chairman and "Dingle Twat" will be back as manager. "Hat" said the first home game of next season we will be giving away to all fans free "rib Ticklers".

"Maurice Glib" will step down as caretaker but will not go back to being 1st team coach, he is retiring to Massachusetts.

Physio "Megan Sheman" will remain at the club, insiders say that youth team coach "Wallygong Fosters" will become first team coach.


*FOX NEWS*

"KOCH and CHEESE" have been found onboard a ship, with the help of "Wolf FC" and the Wolfman, goverments of the world, they will now face trial at the international court of justice at "The HAGUE". This of course is the country where the biggest crime of "Helmet Cheeses's" list of crimes first took place...last years Champions league final penalty fiasco where LEDDY FC where robbed. Sweet irony indeed.

[zJordan]

Wolf FC Chairman & Bounty Hunger Wolfman is pleased to see the "Koch Cheese Incident" finally over.