Stank Krunk reporting in on Goonskies FC's first game of the season, and how they miraculously somehow won three games and drew once before without playing. It's like they paid the league, champions league, and cup officials to enter into a league on a planet they've just arrived on. "I just slipped some diamonds onto the officials' desks while pointing my Ion Cannon, if they refuse well I'll gladly return them to the great maker, Carin' Fett. That's how politics work on this planet too right" comments Head Coach Fonzacus, "oh, and it's also the date of my birth, so statistically speaking I should be more trigger happy."

Despite his comments, I will give an 'official' report regarding his matches. He claims he doesn't remember his first two matches, so I'll report on what he can remember.

"Yesterday's match was a debacle, after doing so well the entire game against "The Gamers", my team drew 1-1. A youngen I bought a few hours before felt the need to injure another player and incur the wrath of a non bribed and threatened referee, only to receive a second yellow for carelessly swatting the ball in the box in the 89th minute. %€@®¶& [Haagaran]

I don't remember the second match too because i was out partying so i left my trusty Haagsky to manage for me. Seems he did a good job, I should reward him with the moon to rule.

Our third match was strange. Even though we outclassed them by 9Qs, we had 40 percent possession and ended up winning 1-3. It came with a high price seeing how I just brought my future captain back from the dead, only to die again within 40 minutes. Syahputra said 'hey, don't call me back before 5 days [a little under 2 months] because I'm an extra for The Promenading Lifeless.' The nerve of him, I could just blast him with my Ion Cannon right now.

Our game just now ended in a 1-2 win with another high price as a close friend of Syahputra, Calle, too had a role to play for the new season of 'The Contest of Toilets' as he just left upon kickoff and will return on the same day as Syahputra. Calle should be blasted with my Ion cannon too. "

What drama will unfold as new team Goonskies FC begin to rip up the league? I too have that very same question. Will there be more unexplained disappearances in the tournament?