*Reuters* 17.40

Plans for The ashes of "Norma Stitz" to be scattered at tonights first home league game against CP FC 1904 has been thrown into choas when the urn with Norma in was left on the train from Portsmouth to London. The daughter "Ji Norma" was on the way to the ground when she got off and forgot to take the urn with her. Frantic phone calls were being made to Waterloo station hoping someone had found the ashes. Its still in the dark if they will be found in time.

In other news...LEDDY FC won their Cup game away to AFYONSPOR 6-0 with new guy Blackmore getting 5 assists.
Dingle twat said speaking from the air from Turkey "Great result, looking forward to tonight and all thats going on for Norma, just hope we get to find the ashes and we get back in time as a late take off"